Eric Lyon

Although best known and loved for his radical reinvention of the solo piccolo oeuvre, in recent years, Eric Lyon has devoted most of his effort to meta-musical projects.

Notably, he has bioengineered a species of super-intelligent clams. These clams can be linked via dental floss into networks of super-clamputers capable of solving some of the more difficult harmonic problems posed by 19th century composer/theorist Max Reger.

A highly placed official of the NEA, speaking on condition of anonymity stated, "if you think you're smart, try having a debate with one of Lyon's super-clams".

Lyon asserts that as early as 2005, networks of super-clams will be capable of composing fully orchestrated operas, entirely without human intervention.  Some composers, such as Robert C. Constable Jr., speaking on condition of anonymity, suggested that writing music with super-clams may give Lyon an unfair aesthetic and economic advantage.

A prominent national newspaper, publishing on condition of anonymity wrote that "Lyon's dangerous "inventions" may lead to a "musical" arms race that, far from representing any aesthetic "advance" in the "standards" of contemporary art, could promote terrorism, radicalism, fundamentalism, extremism, intolerance, anti-modernity and even potentially lower the national military budget", noting that experiments with flatworms, electrodes and snare drums have reportedly been undertaken by non-governmental composer militias in locations that cannot be revealed for reasons of national security.

Lyon dismisses these unattributed allegations as irresponsible scuttlebutt disseminated by shadowy figures jealous of his clam-based compositional freedom. He states, "I will continue to compose with super-clams even if it costs me the Pulitzer prize."